Over the last eight months, I’ve amassed a nice little collection of these fancy little fanny packs. I only use them for 25 hours once a month. I have them in an array of colors – purple, light blue, dark blue, pink, tan. Traditionally, fanny packs are meant to hold your essentials around your waist so that your hands can be free while on a run or at concert or simply wearing it to be retro ‘80s chic.

For my purposes, they hold a 50ml ball of chemo while it dispenses into my body overnight in the comfort of my own home. How crazy is that? No more checking into the hospital for a week at a time to get treatment. What’s even more mind blowing to me—no more hair falling out! Which is great, but the major downside is that it impacts my ability to breathe. Like a lot.

Fortunately, I have an amazing team of docs looking out for me, and it’s also a bit convenient that my oncologist is married to my pulmonologist. They both have been helping me troubleshoot the why the treatment is impacting my breathing and how I can manage it during the treatment cycles. Why do we need to manage it? Well, one, I need to be able to breathe, it’s kind of essential. But two, the treatment is working! It’s been shrinking things and keeping them stable over the last eight months. So, sign me up to wear a fanny pack anytime! 🙂

Facebook memories reminded me that 13 years ago today, when I got to my car that was parked at the Millbrae BART Station in Northern California, I found a note and tape it to my windshield. The note said, “Do people requiring handicapped parking really ride bicycles on weekends?” I happened to have my bike rack on my car, because I was doing an event the next day. So, yes, people requiring handicap parking do ride bicycles on the weekends. I was so shocked that someone had actually taken time out of their day (and had tape and notecards in their car) to write such a snarky comment. And it was really the first, and only time, I’d ever been harassed about my disability.

At the time, I had just recently taken up biking, still very much a novice. I was also still very self conscious about my prosthetic, except for when I was riding. When I was riding, I felt strong, powerful and bit invincible. And over the years as I became a stronger cyclist, I started to care less and less about people seeing or even staring at my prosthetic. Also being a part of an athletic community that embraced all levels of abilities was pretty helpful too. 🙂

There’s definitely more to explore with the story here, but my 20 minutes are up, and I’m ready for some shuteye. I’ll end with a positive pic of me at hour two of four on a bike trainer at a fundraising event for the Challenged Athletes Foundation in 2012. Good times.

Seems like most everyone I know dreads their birthday, or at least the thought of turning a year older.  Even my nephew who is going to turn 29 this year is not looking forward to the last year of his 20’s.  Perhaps our social norms have a good deal to do with how we perceive age and getting older.  But that’s not what this is about.  It’s just my ramblings of my new found perspective on how I plan to celebrate my birthday going forward.  And perhaps someone else has had these thoughts too, but it’s definitely not the norm!

I’ve always approached my birthday a little differently…I’ve been known to count down to my birthday starting six months prior to my birthday and to even celebrate all month long. I also see it as another year of triumph; another year of validating that I made the right decision so long ago to not have a second round of chemo when my sarcoma came back for the first time.  My docs at the time advised against it, but probably one of the better decisions I’ve made in my life.

This year was a little different.  As I approached my 38th birthday, I was a little more reflective and subdued about planning festivities than years past…really, I have plenty to celebrate from my 38th year on this planet, but it was a rough back half of the year.  While the nation was flipped upside down on the political front, I got my world rocked with the re-occurrence of all re-occurrences.

In late August, after an amazing weekend of biking with my CAF fam, I found out that I had a massive tumor (referred as Betsy) taking up residence in my pelvis.  Now, I’m no stranger to the cancer re-occurrence, up until this point I’ve dealt with 8 (or is it 7?) re-occurrences.  But this one; not only was it in a new spot, it was massive.  Like size of a large mango, massive.  And did I mention it was in my pelvis, not my lungs.  Long story short (more details to come in upcoming posts), Betsy has pretty much been annihilated.  Positive attitude, some radiation, positive thoughts, a little surgery, lots & lots of prayers, amazingly talented doctors & nurses, a little more positive attitude and prayers all contributed to the Betsy’s overall eviction.

So as I started to think more and more about my birthday, I likened it to how I rang in the new year in January…Good Riddance 2016, HELLO 2017!  I didn’t exactly make a big display about in my celebrating birthday this way as honestly everything just clicked in my brain as I was driving across the Bay Bridge this afternoon…but Good Riddance year 38, I learned a lot, but HELLO to the start of a kick-ass year 39!

Perhaps a bit unconventional…when I tried to explain it to my roommate, her response was, “Um, no thanks.  I don’t want to get closer to 40 any quicker than I have to!”  But one thing I’ve continually learned in every major situation in my life, it’s all about my attitude and my mindset that determine how successful, enjoyable the outcome is regardless of how grim the situation may seem.  So, why not take the same approach with start of each new year of my life??

I’m not quite sure what this 39th year has in store for me, but my gut is sensing lots of good stuff and things….and a LOT of prep for some major biking adventures come 2018…a.k.a. year 40!! 🙂

Phase 1 is complete! A little crazy to think its already done when on Day 1 I couldn’t fathom getting through all 25 treatments!!

So, early read is looking like Betsy has taken well to the radiation diet, however, we won’t just how well until 12/12 when the post-radiation scan is done. Apparently, the radiation keeps doing its thing for a few weeks even after the treatments have stopped…I did not realize that piece of the puzzle. 

And now the waiting game begins. Which might be a bit more difficult than going to treatment everyday!  Just 30 days to go. I think I can manage that…essentially adding another set of 5 like I had in the Phase 1.  Totally doable!

A little unbelievable (like the last 48 hours), but yep, there’s only one more treatment to go. 

My cycling coach from Shift checked in today to see how I was doing…as did like three other folks!  Feels good to be loved!

I told her I was doing well and missed being in class. I also told her that I would be finishing up my final treatment tomorrow and that she should push the class little harder for me in celebration of my final “set”! Sorry guys, if she does. 😉

I actually really need to get back on my bike…haven’t been on it in almost 3 weeks…well overdue, even if it’s just something short!