I don’t think I have ever actually looked up the definition of endurance before today. But there it was starting me in the face at 6 AM this morning as I sat on my bike at the front and center of class (I normally get positioned inconspicuously off to the side!). And the timing couldn’t have been more appropriate.

I received the news last week that my last four CT scans weren’t as exactly clean as we thought. There was in fact something ever so slowly growing. It has been growing so slowly that it wasn’t detected until now…now that it is 4mm in size. Extremely small. So small that we wouldn’t even be able to treat it at this point if we wanted too.

And so the waiting begins. Six months to be exact. But really, this is nothing new for me; has kind of been the story of my life for the last 18+ years.

Even though it’s nothing new for me, I’ve gone through quite a roller coaster of emotions over the last seven days. It’s been an awesome mix of wanting to cry to wanting to yell at someone (or punch them in the face…not literally, it’s just really fun to say…honestly!) to wanting to eat and drink everything to just wanting to sit comatose and not think about a darn thing to wanting to go on a long bike ride with ridiculous climbs.

Needless to say, I’ve felt a bit like a crazy person. I’m so very grateful for my super supportive and understanding roommate who has been on standby with wine, pizza, margaritas or crazy chocolate-peanut butter-oatmeal concoctions for whenever it was needed!

So, Endurance. I read the definition on the wall several times as I started spinning my legs this morning. Then something clicked and settled the bi-polar emotional feud that’s plagued my mind over the last week.  I kind of have this endurance thing down.  My ability to endure (fatigue, pain, etc) may have initially been developed through the sports I played growing up.  But getting cancer at age 17, and living with it (both happily & productively while fiercely fighting it!) ever since is what I think has given me a bit of black belt in Endurance.

I should totally know by now, that I got this.

Six months to wait?  I’ve endured worse over the years.  And these days I have my bike.  And quite honestly, it’s probably the best distraction and mental healing power that I have right now.  Over the next six months I will get on that bike, push myself, take down a few hills (and maybe a couple mountain passes), and in a weird way know that cancer has helped give me the Endurance to do it.